It's true! There are a million guides out there.

Yet... I couldn't find one that worked for me.

Disclaimer! The below examples are not intended to belittle or mock the creators of great content, but to give concrete examples of where I was struggling as a new player.

Video Guides

There were all these video guides, such as the great MTQ. FULL of data (go here, dodge this laser, watch out for x! watch out for y!) that I could never remember. I watched her Orbonne video (15 minutes) five times to remember enough to actually go in. So that's an hour and change in homework for 7 minutes of game play. And if I go back in Orbonne, guess what... I'm going to have to re-watch the video three times more.

Text Guides

My struggle with text guides is mastering the terms. Many assume you have a vague notion in advance.

Guide: When the monster casts X dodge the beam.

Me: What beam--*dies*.

Here's an example. Highlights are mine.

"non-electrified lightning rod"

*Time to figure out which rods were electrified: 2 mins + 3 deaths (hint: they're all non-electrified until another person used them)

*Time to figure out how to use them: 10 mins + 6 deaths (hint you don't really take anything there. You need to get near it and walk away. Don't stand there trying to click it like I did. Or right click it. Or look for an Aether gauge).

*Time to figure out that ring around the non-electrified tower is killing me: 3 mins + 2 deaths

pulsating orb? Wasn't that the lightning rod activating to remove the debuff? Stands beside. Dies

positioning / remove the debuff? Never truly figured this one out. When the attacks combined, got lucky on one of my attempts while following the NPCs

Total: About 20-25 minutes on this one boss that would have been a piece of cake for a seasoned player who understood (or half-remembered) this going in.

Conclusion

The text guides I've found so far are not aimed at sprouts.

In the pages to follow, I will try to fix this discrepancy.