Disponible en français pas disponible en japonais

As you can see, my pic is hidden. Therefore I will describe myself. I stand 160 metres tall, I have green fur and long eyestalks. One day when my eye hurt, I had it replaced with a high-efficiency gas furnace and now people like to hang around me when it is cold (Which in Canada, is all the time except for a few days in July when it is cool).

If you click on the question mark you will get an error. There used to be a link there to the labyrinth but I moved my page and did not copy the labyrinth files. I left the broken link there because it is frustrating to click broken links. It will also be humourous to find out how many people click this link anyway.

Canadians live in houses, and I am no exception. My house consists of red bricks. Red* bricks make "clunking" noises when you tap them together. They do not explode to the touch and they do not dissolve in the rain. This makes them ideal for the task of being bricks. They are far better suited to housing applications than gingerbread. Sorry Mrs Goose.

My cat is called Lunchmeat. He has four legs, a strange waggy tail, 20 sharp claws and 16 teeth. Lunchmeat weighs 23 pounds and he sleeps for about 80% of his day. He spends another 10% eating, vomiting and pottying, which leaves him 10% to interact with the pesky man-giants that invade his domicile.

The picture is the best I could get of him. The problem was that cats don't fit into scanners very well. The horizontal lines occurred when he tried to get away.

I live down the street from a Tim Horton's. Or, more appropriately, I live at the Tim Horton's down the street. For those of you who (gasp) don't know, Tim Horton's is a donought store. In Hamilton (the city where I live) there are donought stores everywhere. They work on the principle that you should always be able to see a coffee shop. Donought stores are beginning to amalgamate now. You see one store making muffins for an entire circuit and another making the bagels. This was an important step in the science known as Glucosology, which is the study of why man can live on donought alone.

Speaking of life, Christianity is my faith, and I am a member of the WorldWide Church of God. They have some websites that I will put in my links section whenever I happen to cross them.

Among many things, I am a programmer. I have training in French Linguistics (esp. as pertains to A.I.). This may sound spectacular, but it is almost as boring as being a lexicographer. Lexicographers write dictionairies which on a scale of dullness seems to rank right up there with Professional Leaf Counters.

More on me since I get people complaining about this: my stats. I am homosapien running at a little over 775 million seconds in age. I am male and my race is Martian, but I prefer relays or the 100-metre dash. I am athletic and routinely spring into solar orbit much to NASAs consternation. I do not have a sign since I am not a member of the Zodiac. Stars do not rule my destiny; they are large puffs of hydrogen. Mmmm. Puffs.

This is all I can think to say about me for now so go away and do something useful with your time.

*The colour red is an effect of light known to occur in the vicinity of bricks. The light particles strike the brick at 186,000 m/s. At this speed, the light particles become obsessed with getting to their destinations. When they find they are blocked, they become angry**, which makes them turn red.
**The colour Green is an aged version of Red. The light particles get jealous that some light can get by and they can't, so they go green.